How Prayers Are Answered
A few months ago, I wrote to you about taking a leap of faith to follow my lifelong dream to live in London. I sold my car, packed all my things into a storage space, and left Los Angeles with immense relief and no intention to live here again. I didn’t know what would unfold. I just knew I wanted to give it my all, so that I can continue the rest of my life without wondering what if?
I wish I could tell you that I arrived to England without attachment, but the truth is: my expectations became painstakingly clear the longer I was there. Let’s just say second-degree burns, bed bugs, a multitude of disappointing dates, and sleepless nights due to my uncomfortably loud upstairs neighbors were not on my wish list… My Parent Trap / Pride and Prejudice / English countryside fairytale fantasy was not unfolding as planned!
The longer I lived in London, the more depleted and wrung out I felt. My body craved a nest to land in. A home that felt like home…and a place I could unpack my suitcases for good. I genuinely thought a visa would work itself out within the short few months I was there. Instead, life threw me a huge reality check that not everything unfolds according to my timing or plan. But don’t feel sorry for me, dear reader; this was a tremendous opportunity for inner growth, karmic clearing (balancing past actions), and ultimately surrendering my will and embracing the invitation that was in front of me.
My prayer while in England was simple: help me find my home.
I wanted to experience home so much - to create a life and community. I wanted to experience that cozy feeling of home both inside myself and outwardly as well...with friends, loved ones, the space where I live, and the land itself.
Here’s the thing about prayers, though: the Divine doesn't care about surface details, like living in England. It hears and responds to the deeper prayer - home. When England didn’t feel like home, I was disheartened and thought my prayer was unanswered. I had no idea that all of my struggles were leading me directly to the answer I was seeking.
Despite the challenges, I never gave up, and even on my flight out of the UK on December 22nd, I still planned to return in the spring to continue my intentions to live there.
This was my plan until I landed in Topanga, California (just outside Los Angeles) two weeks ago, where I’ve been nesting in the coziest faerie fortress in the treetops. Currently the rain is softly falling on misty mountaintops, and the trees outside are growing greener by the moment. I arrived in California to see clients, teach a class, and connect with my friends here. What I didn’t expect was how NEW I feel here, like I’ve shed a skin and am seeing things in a completely fresh light. I didn’t expect to feel SO good and relieved in my body to be here…and how much easier it feels to be here than the UK!
Thanks to a clarifying session with my mentor, I honored that my body was practically begging me to stay. It did not want to go from here to Bali to India to England with heavy suitcases and little certainty that my basic needs would be met in all of those places.
It scared me, excited me, and delighted me all at once as I explored staying here and building a nest from which I can dive deeper and fly higher. The more I considered it, the sweeter and more relieved I felt. My skin cleared up after months of having breakouts that I used to attribute to London pollution, and the gripping anxiety that’s lived in my body since I left LA went away as well.
Within the course of one week, I shortened my Bali trip from 2.5 months to 10 days, cancelled India and England, secured a space in Topanga, and financed a car. For months I’ve been envisioning my own sanctuary, a place I can see clients, share nourishing experiences, and create new content and programs. I thought this was going to be with a future partner and/or when I found my space in England.
While that is a possibility for the future, I’ve surrendered to the reality that it’s not what I want right now, and I feel grateful for all the forces that pointed me in this direction, despite my plans and expectations. To me, a sense of HOME feels cozy, like a relief, a sanctuary, and a place to rest, replenish, and nourish.
Living out of suitcases does not do this for me right now - and maybe it will again someday. This whole experience continues to teach me to honor what is true now and trust that the future will take care of itself. We will change. Our prayers will change - and that is wonderful. Sometimes we beat ourselves up for prayers that feel unanswered without seeing the blessings raining down upon us today.
Looking back, I also see that I never committed to California before. My entire life, I’ve been looking to London to give me what I think I need. In previous romantic relationships, I struggled to commit because all I could think about was England, and finally going and taking the leap towards my dream taught me...I don’t need to go anywhere to have, do, and experience everything I need. Just like Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz, I was already home. Some things we can “know,” but we still don’t believe until we experience them ourselves, bed bugs and all. This has also taught me that no external place will ever accommodate for the sense of HOME that happens when we simply listen to and honor our body’s needs.
So my question for you today is: what prayers are you currently struggling to force into place? What shoe are you trying to smash your foot into, even though it’s not the right size? Where is life currently inviting you to participate, and are you resisting because it doesn’t “look” like what you imagined?
I encourage you to take some time today to journal about these questions and consider...are your prayers being answered in a way you didn’t expect? What feels easy? Like a relief? Like home? How can you honor what is true now?
I say this not to encourage you to discard your dreams, but rather as encouragement to receive the gift of your truest needs. When you take the step towards your heart’s desires, life will give feedback - and you will always learn through that feedback, whether it is something you think you want or not. This was the experience I needed, and I’m so grateful for the woman it is shaping me into.
I’m seeing with new eyes and for the first time in my life, I genuinely feel at home.
PS: I currently have 3 spaces open for my 4-month mentorship. If you are seeking 1:1 support to release overwhelm, other people's ideas of you - and embody what you are truly here to share, you can fill out an application by clicking here.