The vulnerability of beginning again.
I want to extend a honey-warm welcome to the first newsletter of 2023!! I spent the first two weeks of this year traveling – and to be honest: ever since moving to a small town early on in the pandemic, I feel like a grumpy gnome when I'm about to leave home. I embody a sluggish stubbornness with a doubtful-jolly undercurrent to it.
Before departing for a new experience (whether physically or in some other form), there's usually a moment where this part of me demands to know why did you ever agree to this?????
There's a vulnerability to saying yes to a new experience, a new adventure, a new way of being with life. New experiences do not offer guarantees; and there can be a vulnerability to that because no one wants to waste precious resources or time.
On this particular trip, I started out by traveling to attend and share an Angelic Breath Healing class on my dear friend Rochelle's retreat. I hadn't seen Rochelle or some other friends attending since 2019, and I also haven't led a large, in-person group class since 2020. I felt a combination of nervous-excited, hesitant, and open all at once. I wondered what it would be like returning to a familiar environment when so much has changed within me and the world at large.
There's a vulnerability to beginning again - to showing up without truly knowing if the quiet yes that led you here is trustworthy.
What I have learned in many years of devoting my life decisions to trusting my heart is while there aren't any guarantees, there is grace - even and especially when things don't go as planned.
I've also learned that the dream seeds planted in the holy darkness of our hearts don't go away. They may descend into silence, patiently waiting for an opening to arise again in a whisper, a song, synchronistic interactions - and/or through a stark wake-up call.
In my case - through the retreat, my heart guided me to
reconnect. To venture from the familiar creature comforts of my day-to-day life and dive into the discomfort of growth again. It was exhilarating and uncomfortable - tender yet true. I ended up feeling unwell the day after sharing Angelic Breath Healing - and while that was not my preference and not ideal in a retreat setting - I felt the grumpy and hesitant parts of me take form through not feeling well and steadily surrender and release their grip to the current of grace.
As we emerge into a newly-numbered year, I'm curious where your heart is currently guiding you - both inside and out?
There's a divine intelligence to the callings and stirrings of our hearts - the things that no matter what unfolds in the day-to-day, month-to-month, year-to-year experiences of our lives - there they remain. Patiently waiting for our attention.
I also have experienced that some dream seeds planted in our hearts can expire or morph into regret when the dream feels indefinitely unreachable - an unlived life taking up precious space in the garden of the heart. Through somatic care, I've learned there are gentle ways of befriending these expired dream seeds and gently tending to their needs.
In the upcoming 4-month group mentorship I'm offering called Heartfelt Dreams - we will nurture both practical action while somatically tending the dreamseed shadowlands from within.
We live in tumultuous times. I believe the healing response to these times resides in the callings of our hearts. All the heartfelt organizations, courageous activism, expressions of sincere kindness, and emergent care begins in the heart. What might it look like to live in a world where people actually listen to and trust the callings of their hearts?
This is a question I'm devoted to leaning into - both personally and collectively - and this is what Heartfelt Dreams seeks to nurture.
We begin next week on 2/2 - you can receive all the details here.
With love and care,
Madeline