What Pluto's Cave taught me about the voice within.
A couple weeks ago, I adventured to a place on the outskirts of Mt. Shasta called Pluto's Cave. I've known about this cave for years yet never felt inclined to visit; I've heard stories from locals about people who've had to be rescued from the cave – and about myths and legends that say the end of the cave is supposedly a doorway to Inner Earth.
While I've come to deeply revere Plutonic energy (transformation, death/rebirth – ruled by Scorpio!), the idea of spending my day driving to a deserted landscape and descending into the darkness of a cold, abysmal volcanic cave that extends for miles underground with bats didn't exactly scream, “Let's hang out!!!!”
That said: I love this time of year.
I love October and Scorpio season because it feels like there's more willingness to pivot towards the shadows. For me, it feels like a relief when suppressed aspects of Self (shadow) are called in rather than unconsciously cast out – because awareness can open a doorway for healing. It's challenging to heal what we can't feel (or at the very least acknowledge). So holding a candle towards the parts of life that we unconsciously deny or ignore most of the time can serve as an awakening from the slumber of, “That's just the way it is” to re-membering change is possible, and it often starts with noticing what's there - even when it's dark.
So at the start of this month that celebrates the shadows, it (alas) felt like ripe timing to meet Pluto's Cave. I drove to the desert outskirts mid-afternoon with my boyfriend — thankfully he brought us headlamps — through desolate, winding dusty roads until we reached a tiny trail where the only sign we saw claimed, “Alien Abduction Site." 😳
We walked for a bit until reaching a rocky, sandy descent into what I thought was the whole cave. It was a Saturday, and there were a few other people there wearing handlamps, arms crossed nervously over their chests, eyes wide, and whispering to each other. At this part of the cave, I thought to myself, “This is more chill than I anticipated.” There were openings in the cave ceiling where light pooled through, so while the headlamp was helpful at some points, the pockets of light spilling through made it feel more like twilight. You could ease into darkness by leaning into the comforting light cascading from the cave ceiling.
I thought this was the heart of Pluto's Cave, but I soon found out I was wrong about that. Very wrong. This part of the “cave” was Pluto's outskirts — still slightly eerie and a little smelly, but mostly friendly with generous glimmers of light.
Soon we were met by a deeper descent into what looked like the mouth of midnight. A pitch black void stared straight into me. Now I was the one crossing my arms nervously over my chest as I turned on my headlamp and a cloak of chilly cave air wrapped itself around me.
We walked down and in, my heart and stomach churning with eerie discomfort as the last light of the entrance fell away and we stood in complete darkness with only our headlamps to reveal a safe step…and given the intricate piles of stone and cave rock, it was necessary to step carefully to avoid the crevices we could easily fall into…
After a couple minutes of this, my heart was racing, and my childhood fears of the dark resurrected themselves to greet me like an unwelcome yet familiar ghost. I told my partner I wanted to turn back, and he asked if we could keep going a bit further just as a bat flew over my head. I took a breath, verbally invoked both Archangel Michael and my Adult Self, and said, “Ok, but stay close to me. I need to go slow.”
We kept going, and while I didn't like it, I felt a little more resourced and reminded myself I could turn around at any time. We paused at one point while my partner checked out an intricate rock formation, and I took the moment to further orient myself with this part of Pluto's Cave. It was completely dark, slightly dusty, cold, and cuddling with creatures of the night. It was silent, eerie, mysterious…and an emotion so immense that I couldn't find the words while immersed in the cave. What is this feeling?
We walked a bit further and finally decided to turn around — I noticed I had a lot more capacity for moving at a quicker pace on the way out! I took a sounding sigh of relief when we saw the cave entrance again, warmed with late afternoon sunlight.
I later found out that Pluto's Cave extends for nearly 1 mile underground; my partner and I probably walked around a quarter mile before turning around, which felt a lot further than it sounds considering total darkness and the need to go slow.
I spent some time that evening and the following day reflecting on what came up for me in the cave and realized that being there and staying with my discomfort longer than I'd have liked helped me physically meet darkness in a way I hadn't experienced before. While I have a pretty steady practice of attuning to the suppressed shadows within myself, it's very different engaging with this in my cozy healing room than in a literal cave. I've been in caves before and even gone scuba diving in caves; however, the waters were well-lit with flashlights, and I was surrounded by a group of people that served as a generous distraction.
I didn't go into Pluto's cave with an intention to meet my darkness — yet there it was, waiting patiently for me.
In my post-cave reflections, I realized the word I couldn't quite place while immersed in the cave was validating. The darkness whispered comforting validation to the places within that were shrouded with the unspoken. Unspoken words, unspoken grief, unspoken longing, unspoken love and loss — and also validating to the secret mysteries and depths within me. Vast creativity blanketed beneath the visible earth was finally seen and validated here in the dark, and in turn, the vast creativity beneath my skin felt safe to speak in the dark, free from judgment, in a quiet space where she'd be heard.
As I alluded to at the start of this letter…it feels like relief when we finally say yes to the voice of truth within us instead of pretending it's not there.
The Cave lives within and is mirrored by the Earth, and while it can feel eerie and intimidating, its presence can validate the unseen and bring greater focus to the suppressed shadows that can be alchemized into empowering action and change upon return.
In the short term, my brief encounter with Pluto's Cave inspired me to take a social media break this month and devote daily time to my creativity. For the past few weeks, I've remained off of Instagram and have spent a minimum of an hour daily on writing, creating, or bringing presence to a dream that feels planted in the dark cave of my heart. I realized how clouded my own creative voice was by all the input I'd been unconsciously taking in through scrolling, consuming. Like entering the cave, I felt reluctant to let it go at first…and now I feel revitalized by the discerning discipline my heart has been asking for.
I'm curious - as you read these words, is there any part of you that relates... does your creative voice perhaps feel clouded? Stifled? Like it maybe has to shout to be heard over the noise of your outer life?
In the midst of my 3-week social media break this month, my time in the creative cave inspired me to channel in a new offering that's designed for bringing presence, curiosity, and steady discipline to the creative yearnings within.
If your inner voice has lost some of its volume and felt diluted, suppressed, maybe even in frozen slumber lately - whether from your job, the people around you, social media, or anything else that dims your light - I invite you to create more than you consume from now through the end of the year in Creative Nourishment.
It's an offering designed for entering the cave within and nourishing the unspoken voice of art and creativity that lives inside you so that you feel more inspired and attuned to your inner voice during your time spent creating.
Whether you're overflowing with too many ideas, overwhelmed by too many commitments, or your creativity has always felt difficult to access, Creative Nourishment will help you turn down the noise of outside influence and dial up your inner voice so you can listen more easily and hear where it's guiding you.
The course will serve as a companion to any projects/offerings you're working on right now or as a space for you to grow a specific area of your life, such as a new wellness habit. Whether you're looking for a new beginning or the support to complete something, Creative Nourishment will show you how to receive your art rather than grasp for it, letting it speak through you like a treasured and trusted soul friend.
I'm sharing a gifted (free) class on Saturday, November 5th at 10:00am PST on Fine-Tuning Your Creative Channel to give you an experience of Creative Nourishment, and then we'll officially start on the following Friday, November 11th. You can receive all the details and register here.
As we immerse ourselves into the exhale of the year, is the creative cave whispering to you? I hope to meet you there <3
With love,
Madeline